I sought out books that discussed relationships, solitude, chaos, and changing times:

non-fiction

• Together: The Healing Power of Connection in Sometimes Lonely World by Vivek H. Murthy, MD
  An incredibly-timed release. This book offers a scientific and sociological perspective on our culture of disconnectedness and what the author, the former surgeon general, describes as an epidemic of loneliness. Loneliness, Murthy argues, is the most pressing health issue of our time. The book goes into detail on the stunning effects of disconnectedness: the mental, physical, and societal consequences are astounding. And what I found interesting is the surprising ways loneliness can manifest. His definition of loneliness is the feeling of being unable to be your authentic self (therefore, you can be 'lonely' even when you are surrounded by people). The book goes into detail on how disconnectedness touches everyone: men, women, gang members, the elderly, and in particular, college students. It resonated with me. The writing can be a little choppy, but the information and perspective is well worth it.

• When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
  I’ve had this book sitting on my shelf forever, but it wasn’t until now that the message resonated enough for me to get past the first few sections. It's like a little Buddhist manual on how to deal with chaos. It’s calmed me down and helped me to keep my sanity as everything around us is changing. Chödrön opens by stating that, “Chaos should be regarded as very good news,” and that is something I keep reminding myself when the uncertainty of our times feels overwhelming. A good way to spiritually center yourself and a book I will return to.

• Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
  This was written in 2006, so it feels a little bit dated because so much has changed concerning relationships since then, but the fundamental perspectives still ring true. Esther Perel is one of the leading psychotherapists on couples and relationships (I’m obsessed with her), and the quarantine has increased her popularity. This book addresses questions on the plausibility of monogamy, the role of marriage in our modern society, and anecdotes from her patients. Now, I see the best relationships as a balance between security and exploration, a mix between safety and risk, certainty and uncertainty. This book doesn't have all the answers, but I took away the idea that marriage is about time, and it will teach you a lot about yourself and why you act the way you do.

• The State of Affairs by Esther Perel
  I read The State of Affairs before reading Mating in Captivity, but I would recommend the other way around. The State of Affairs was written in 2017 and explores the causes, outcomes, and effects of infidelity. Why do people cheat? Should an affair be the end of a marriage? It’s a fascinating exploration of modern-day relationships: what works, what doesn’t, and what reasonable expectations should be. But most importantly, I took away Perel's explanation that we now ask one person to provide what a whole village used to. The book includes interesting sociological stories of how we got to where we depend so much on one person, some of which directly tie into Together.

Memoir

• Wild by Cheryl Strayed
  I read this book because I wanted to hear the story of someone who voluntarily sought out solitude before we were all forced into it. I wanted to see what she learned, how the isolation transformed her, inspired her, and how she either successfully or unsuccessfully dealt with it. Even if you’ve seen the movie, I recommend the book because as usual, it is drastically different. My main takeaway from this story of Cheryl Strayed hiking the Pacific Crest Trail alone in her twenties was the resiliency of the human spirit. Sometimes you need to push yourself to do something hard just to remind yourself that you are capable and much stronger than you think. This wasn’t the spiritual, zen memoir I was expecting to find, but rather the story of an imperfect person who needed to restore faith in herself. The story of someone who needed to be reminded that it’s okay to be sad and angry, and that out of events that seem so raw and painful, your humanity can be found.